To Be or Not to Be - What Next?
by VL24
Summary: Fletch had begged Tess to be with him, but she had turned him down. She couldn't take him away from his family and wanted him to make his marriage work. He had reluctantly let her go. With no Fletch in the A&E Department to remind her of the past Tess was finally able to move on. Or was she?
1. Moving On

**Moving On**

Tess had been back at work for over a month, her leg was practically healed and she had a new found determination to continue life as though she had never met Fletch. It was easier now that the gossiping had subsided. Her first shift back had been hell with whispers and stares and her only comfort being the return of Zoe, her confidante and friend who had held her and supported her. As she pushed down the handle of her office door, Zoe caught up with her. 'Tess...' she said, looking worried. 'What's wrong?' Tess asked.  
>'Are you finished for the day?' Zoe asked.<br>'I've got paperwork to do, but...'  
>'Leave it for tonight. Trust me, you'll need a drink.' Zoe said. Tess frowned at the somewhat cryptic message. 'I'll get changed and meet you at the pub.' she said.<p>

Ten minutes later Tess entered the pub across the road, located Zoe and snaked her way through her colleagues to reach her. As she sat down she saw a brandy ready and waiting. 'What's going on?' she asked. 'Tess I spoke with one of the surgeons on the wards and they've just hired a new nurse on Keller.' Zoe said.  
>'So?' Tess asked, still frowning.<br>'It's Fletch.' Zoe said and Tess felt her heart leap and her body numb at the mention of his name. Zoe pushed the brandy towards her and Tess picked it up, draining it in one and enjoying the warm liquid burning feeling back into her. 'Are you okay?' Zoe asked.  
>'I'm fine.'<br>'Tess you don't have to do that with me.'  
>'What?'<br>'Pretend you're okay.'  
>'I am.'<br>'Tess...' Zoe said. Tess looked up at her friend; Zoe knew her too well.  
>'He said he'd leave.'<br>'Look, there's no reason you have to even see him, I just thought you deserved some warning.'  
>'Thank you.'<br>'You fancy another drink?'  
>'I think you know the answer to that.' Tess said and Zoe approached the bar. Tess' head was doing cartwheels. What was he still doing here? There were other hospitals in the area. Why Holby? He said he would leave her, let her move on.<p>

Tess and Zoe spent the rest of the night drinking before heading back to Tess' house. Zoe crashed out in the guest room and Tess collapsed on top of her own bed covers. Her head was fuzzy, her mind was full of Fletch, her heart was racing and she was soon in a deep sleep dreaming of her former lover.


	2. Can't Let Go

**Can't Let Go**

Weeks passed by and Tess did not see Fletch at all. She hoped this meant that they would be able to avoid seeing each other. She was relieved, she didn't know how she'd feel if she saw him again. It was hard trying to get over him and she knew that seeing him again would set her back by weeks. One Friday afternoon as she left a room upstairs after a management meeting she saw Fletch enter the corridor laughing with one of the porters. Her heart leapt at the sight of him, his smile, the sound of his laugh. She quickly turned and headed down the corridor, but it was too late, Fletch had seen her and he rushed towards her and touched her arm. 'Tess...' he said and she turned to him, begging her heart to stop thumping against her chest. 'You said you were leaving.' Tess said quietly without making eye contact. 'Tess I know you don't want to see me and I know I said I'd let you go, but I couldn't bear to be completely out of your life.' he said earnestly.  
>'And Natalie? How does she feel about you working back here?'<br>'As long as I pay the child support on time she's not interested in anything that happens in my life.' he said, causing Tess to look up at him for the first time. She clutched her files to her chest as he moved closer and lowered his voice. 'Tess, I miss you so much, please-' he started. 'No.' Tess said and walked away.  
>'Tess...' Fletch said with a sigh before turning and heading in the opposite direction to his love. He had left her that night after saving her from the train because she had begged him and he could see how much she was hurting; he loved her too much to hurt her and chose to break his own heart and walk away, but he had known that night that his life would never be the same again. He had left Natalie - there was no going back now - and he was living in a bedsit whilst trying to work, spend time with his kids and save up for his own place. After coming face to face with Tess again Fletch needed a drink and headed to the pub across the road. If he was honest, he hoped to see Tess again and stayed until closing time downing pint after pint and checking the door every time it opened, but Tess didn't visit the pub at all. He headed back to his bedsit and drank every last can in his fridge whilst wondering how things would have turned out if Tess had kept their baby, if he had left his wife for her. Soon he collapsed on to his bed and flicked through his mobile to Tess' name. He wanted to call her, he wanted to hear her voice, he wanted to be with her rather than here on his own, he wanted to be with the woman he loved. He was soon asleep with his mobile phone clutched to his chest as his unconscious mind visited Tess and the moments they had shared.<p> 


	3. New Beginnings

**New Beginnings**

Autumn gales were blowing through Holby and A&E was fit to bursting with patients. Noel and Louise were attempting to deal with a group of rowdy, muddy rugby players grouped around the desk. 'How many of you need treatment?' Louise shouted, earning some derogatory comments from some of the more excitable players. Tess and Charlie rounded the corner and approached the group. 'Come on now gents, calm it down...' Charlie said, but there was no acknowledgement from any of the players. Tess rounded the desk and stood in front of the players. 'Right that's enough!' she shouted and the players silenced, some looking amused. 'This is a hospital not a rugby pitch, so you either quieten down or get out.' she said and the players, though still smirking, silenced. 'Now...' Tess started, her voice softer. '...those of you with genuine injuries register with my receptionists, those of you without can stay in the waiting room as long as you keep it down. There are sick people in here so show some respect.' she said and the majority of the players moved off to a group of seats whilst two remained at the desk to register. A tall muscular African man - holding his left wrist and with a gash to his head - was looking at Tess with interest. 'Thanks Tess.' Noel said before stepping in front of the players. Tess walked out from behind the desk and off down the corridor, the player still staring at her and Noel having to raise his voice again to get his attention. 'Sorry...' the player said, shaking his head. 'Name?' Noel asked.  
>'Kwame Turay.' he answered.<p>

Within two hours the waiting rugby players were getting rowdy again. Tess approached the reception desk and picked up an admittance slip. She approached the players. 'I thought I made myself clear.' she said loudly.  
>'Sorry Matron.' one of the players said with a smirk.<br>'It's Sister Bateman.' Tess said.  
>'Sorry Sister, we'll try to keep it down.' he said again attempting to sound serious.<br>'Kwame Turay.' Tess said and the large man stood and followed her down the corridor.

Tess pulled open the curtain of a cubicle to see Kwame sat on the edge of the bed. She entered and pulled the curtain back around her. She looked at the cut on his forehead. 'You'll need stitches.' Tess said simply. 'Let me take a look at your arm.' she said and Kwame allowed her to take his arm in her hands. She moved her fingers up and down his forearm and pressed around his elbow before moving back down his arm and pressing his wrist, causing him to flinch. 'Sorry...' she said. '...I think your wrist is broken so I'm going to get a sling to support it whilst we wait for the doctor.' she said.  
>'I've hurt my ribs too.' Kwame said.<br>'Okay, can I take a look?' Tess asked. Kwame slowly pulled his mud spattered rugby shirt over his head revealing a muscular physique. Tess gently pressed along each of his sides, noticing his occasional flinch. 'I think they're just bruised, but I'll get the doctor to take a look.' Tess said, stepping back. 'Thanks.' Kwame said and Tess smiled before leaving the cubicle, returning shortly with a sling. She propped his arm on his shoulder before wrapping the sling around it and leaning forwards to tie it around his neck. 'There...' she said as she pulled away. '...hopefully the doctor won't be too long and we can get you out of here.'  
>'Thank you Sister Bateman.' Kwame said again.<br>'It's Tess.'  
>'Tess.' he said softly, his deep brown eyes taking in her own.<br>'No problem.' Tess said simply, feeling a little awkward as she left the cubicle and pulled the curtain back around him.

Tess returned to the cubicle after Kwame had returned from x-ray, pulling a trolley in with her. 'Tess...' he said.  
>'I just need to stitch your head wound before you go and get your plaster fitted.' she said, pulling the curtain around them. 'Not the kind of plastering I planned on after the game.' Kwame said with a smile. 'I'm sure you can manage a couple before the pubs close.' Tess said.<br>'And you?'  
>'Me?' Tess asked as she wiped a swab across his head wound.<br>'Will you be going for a drink after your shift. I'm guessing you probably need it.'  
>Tess placed the swab on the trolley. 'By the time I finish here the pubs will be closed.' she said before grabbing a needle. She noticed a look of trepidation from Kwame. 'Don't tell me you're scared of needles.' she said.<br>'A little anxious maybe.'  
>'A tough rugby player like you? I'm sure you can handle a tiny needle.' she said.<br>'I might need someone to hold my hand.' Kwame said cheekily.  
>'I can get one of your team mates in here.'<br>'Maybe not...' he took a deep breath. '...Okay, go on.' he said. Tess tapped the needle and injected the anaesthetic. She finished and replaced the needle on the trolley. 'There, nothing to it...' she said. '...we'll just wait for that to start working.' she said and tidied the trolley of the rubbish, placing it in the yellow sack. 'So what position do you play?' Tess asked, making conversation whilst they waited for the anaesthetic to kick in. 'Blind Side. Do you like rugby?' Kwame asked.  
>'It's okay. Sport's sport.'<br>'_Okay_? You definitely need to see a game. You should come and see us play.' he said.  
>'Maybe I will.' Tess said. She touched his head. 'Can you feel that?' she asked.<br>'Not a bit.' he said. Tess took a needle from the trolley.  
>'You'll feel some tugging, but if there's any pain just tell me.' she said. Kwame nodded as Tess started to stitch his wound. After she had finished she placed the needle back on the trolley and looked at Kwame. 'All done.' she said.<br>'Perfect. I didn't feel a thing...Thanks.' he said.  
>'You don't have to keep thanking me.'<br>'I do. I'm sorry about the guys too, they can be rowdy but they're a good group.'  
>'It's not a problem really.'<br>'Tess-' he started but stopped as the curtain opened and Max appeared.  
>'Ready to get plastered?' Max joked.<br>'Goodbye Mr Turay.' Tess said.  
>'Bye.' Kwame said, watching Tess walk away.<p>

Later that night in reception the team were getting ready to leave and one of the players saw Kwame looking around. 'Come on mate, we'll miss last orders.' he said.  
>'Yeah, okay.' Kwame said, resigned and was about to leave before he saw Tess. 'Wait here.' he said to his team mates before quickly approaching Tess. The players watched him, knowing smiles playing their faces. 'Tess...' Kwame said as he reached her.<br>'Mr Turay...'  
>'Kwame...'<br>'Sorry, Kwame. Are you feeling better?'  
>'Thanks to you.'<br>'Try to take it easy on the alcohol tonight though. You have just had a head injury.'  
>'I'll stick to soft drinks I promise.' he said and Tess smiled. 'Listen, I was wondering if I could treat you to a drink maybe one evening next week?' he asked.<br>'A drink? I don't know...'  
>'Just a drink I promise. I'd like to get to know you without you stabbing me with needles.' he said, causing her to smile. She nodded. 'Okay.' she said. Kwame handed her a card with his number on. 'A lawyer?' she said, looking at the text on the card.<br>'Corporate law. Very boring stuff, so we're best leaving the conversation to you.' Kwame said.  
>'I look forward to it.' Tess said, and as Zoe approached from behind, Kwame kissed Tess on the cheek before heading back to his wolf-whistling mates. 'Sister Bateman...' Zoe said, reaching her friend and grinning widely. '...did you just pull a patient?' Zoe asked quietly.<br>'It's just a drink.' she reasoned, but Zoe continued to smile.

The following evening, Kwame stood outside the hospital, a bouquet of flowers in his hand as he waited for Tess. In the staff room Tess looked into her compact, straightening out her hair and applied some lipstick. Zoe entered the room and looked at her. 'Is your hot date tonight?' she teased. 'It's just a drink.'  
>'He's obviously smitten.'<br>'Zoe...'  
>'I'm glad you're finally moving on.' Zoe said and hugged her friend. 'Now don't keep him waiting.' she said as she pulled back.<p>

Tess exited the hospital to see Kwame waiting and approached him, Zoe watching from the entrance. He handed her the bouquet. 'They're beautiful.' Tess said.  
>'So are you.' Kwame said and offered his arm. Tess placed her hand on his arm and they started walking. 'Where are we going?' Tess asked.<br>'You look like a wine drinking girl, so I'm taking you to the best wine bar in town.' he said.

Kwame and Tess talked and laughed over dinner before Tess enjoyed a number of glasses of wine (Kwame sticking to just a couple). As they exited the wine bar, Tess looked around them. 'There's never a taxi around when you need one.' she said.  
>'You're not getting a taxi. I'll drive you home.' Kwame insisted. Tess smiled and agreed, but the journey felt a little awkward for Tess. When they reached her house, Kwame silenced the engine and looked at Tess. 'I had a good time.' he said.<br>'Me too.'  
>'Maybe we can do it again some time.'<br>'Maybe I can come and see one of your games.'  
>'I'd like that.'<br>'Thanks for tonight. It was lovely.' she said and reached for the door handle.  
>'Tess, wait.' Kwame said and she looked up at him. He leant in and kissed her gently on the lips before stopping and looking into her eyes. Tess leant in again, returning the kiss and Kwame placed his hand on her cheek as they kissed.<p> 


	4. Mistletoe & Wine

**Mistletoe & Wine**

It was the 29th November and the nurses and doctors of A&E were making their way into a posh wine bar, all dressed smartly for their Christmas party. They were all talking loudly, excited that for once they were not having their party at the pub across the street from the hospital. 'How did you arrange this, Tess?' Robyn asked.  
>'Friends in high places.' she said simply as she walked beside Zoe, dressed to the nines and smiling knowingly; Kwame had arranged the party for them.<p>

The bar was stunning, leather booths with mirrors on the walls, beautiful light fittings and silver ice buckets on every table with a bottle in each one. There were bar staff on the doors, a silver tray laden with drinks on each one. Each of the A&E nurses, doctors and porters took a glass as they entered. All of the staff were in awe at their chic surroundings and Zoe leant in close to Tess. 'Kwame's really gone all out for you.' she said quietly.  
>'He knows the owner.' Tess said.<br>'So things are heating up between you two then?' Zoe asked as they both sat down in one of the booths. 'He's a good man. I like him a lot.'  
>'So, have you...' Zoe asked with a smile and her eyebrows raised.<br>'Zoe!' Tess said, laughing, but reddening with embarrassment as she looked around to make sure no one had overheard her. Then she saw him entering the bar, the man she had hoped would remain in her past but kept appearing in her present; Fletch entered the bar dressed in a purple shirt and tie and dark trousers, looking unusually dapper. Robyn approached him and hugged him before grabbing him a drink from the tray.

Fletch looked around at the surroundings. 'Wow. This is a big leap from the pub across the road.' he said to Robyn. 'Tess' new boyfriend sorted it.' she said, quickly regretting her words as she saw the heartbroken look on Fletch's face. 'Sorry.' she said. He gulped his drink down and then shook his head at Robyn. 'Forget it. She was always going to move on.' he said.

Zoe looked over at Fletch and then back at Tess. 'Are you okay?' she asked.  
>'I'm fine.' Tess said, but Zoe knew what she was feeling; she was conflicted and looking at a way to escape, but there was no way Zoe was letting her go home alone with her thoughts and feelings. She was going to make sure Tess enjoyed herself. 'Come on.' she said, offering her hand. Tess took her hand and was led to the bar where Zoe ordered them three shots each. 'Zoe, no.' Tess said. The barman placed the glasses in front of them and poured shots of vodka into each. 'Yes.' Zoe said and passed one of the shots to Tess, taking one for herself. They clinked their glasses and both downed their shots, before picking up the other two and downing them also.<p>

The music was thumping, the lights flashing and everyone was on the dance floor. Tess knew that she had now drank more than she should have as she danced with Zoe. Fletch was dancing nearby with Robyn, his mind a little clearer than Tess' as he watched her dance. Then he saw a large African man approach Tess and her wrap her arms around him. He kissed her cheek as some salsa began to play. Zoe was soon in Max's arms and Kwame took Tess into his own arms. Fletch watched jealously as Kwame moved Tess around the dance floor; he remembered the Christmas party night he had danced salsa with Tess. As one song faded into another, Fletch approached and Kwame stopped dancing. 'Can I cut in?' Fletch asked, Tess trying to hide her horror.  
>'Of course.' Kwame said and kissed Tess on the cheek before stepping aside. Fletch took Tess in his arms and they started to dance. Fletch hated that Tess wasn't smiling like last time. 'Tess...' he started. 'Don't!' Tess said. Fletch remained silent for a couple of seconds as he looked at Kwame talking to the bar staff before he looked back at Tess. 'He seems nice.' he said.<br>'He is.' Tess said simply. The fun "tea lady" Honey was laughing loudly as she spun through the dancers holding mistletoe over her colleagues' heads. She was soon holding the mistletoe over their heads. 'I don't think...' Fletch started.  
>'It's tradition. Don't be a party pooper.' Honey said. Fletch looked at Tess, she didn't want to do this either, but it was best to get it over and done with as quickly as possible; she didn't want new staff members to know about her past indiscretions. They quickly pecked each other's lips and their eyes flickered back and forth, their chests heaving with excitement as their old feelings started to return, but then Tess pulled away from her former lover and returned to the bar where Kwame was standing and Fletch watched with a broken heart as Kwame wrapped his arm around Tess and kissed her.<p>

Kwame held Tess close. 'You okay?' he asked, recognising her flushed state.  
>'Just warm.' Tess said.<br>'I'll take you home if you want.' Kwame said and offered his hand.  
>'I'll just say goodbye to Zoe.' Tess said.<br>'I'll get your coat.' Kwame said and Tess walked back to the dance floor and approached Zoe.  
>'You're not going?' Zoe asked.<br>'I'm tired.' Tess said. The two friends hugged and Zoe kissed Tess' cheek. Zoe returned to dancing with Max as Tess walked away, but Fletch quickly caught up with her. 'Tess...' he said.  
>'Fletch, stop!' she said before heading towards Kwame who was waiting by the door holding her coat. Fletch watched on as Kwame wrapped Tess' coat around her and led her out of the bar.<p>

As soon as Tess had left, Fletch started drinking pints back to back until Charlie took one from his hand. 'I think you've had enough.' he said. Fletch looked at his former colleague.  
>'I miss her Charlie.' Fletch said sadly.<br>'You know you two are as stubborn as each other.'  
>'Is she okay?'<br>'She's fine. She's been keeping herself to herself more, but she had to toughen up once you left otherwise life would have been hell for her at work. You were very popular.'  
>'I didn't want that.'<br>'I know. She's strong though.'  
>'Stronger than anyone I've ever met.'<br>'It's not good for you to brood over this. You know she'll never give in. You're married and she hates herself for what happened between you two.'  
>'And I hate that I made her feel that way.'<br>'She won't damage your family any more than she already has. You know she's not that kind of person.' Charlie said. Fletch thought for a few minutes, thinking about a letter folded in his pocket. He slapped Charlie on the back. 'Charlie, you're a genius.' he said happily before rushing out of the club.

Tess sat at her table sipping her coffee, Kwame beside her. 'Better?' he asked.  
>'Much. Thanks.' Tess answered.<br>'No problem.' Kwame said and he held here hand.  
>'Thanks for getting the club for us.'<br>'I didn't do it for them.' Kwame said and leant forwards to kiss her. Tess returned the kiss, but she couldn't help recalling another man sitting at her table and kissing her, and as Kwame's hands ran down her arms she pulled back. 'Sorry, I can't.' she said.  
>'Tess, I really love being with you. You're so amazing, so special. I just want to make you happy.'<br>'You do.' Tess said and kissed him lightly.  
>'I've had too much to drink tonight, I just need some water, painkillers and my bed, but if you're free then I've got Tuesday off. We could do some Christmas shopping, have some dinner.' she said.<br>'Sounds perfect.' Kwame said. He stood and picked up his coat from the back of his chair, pulling it on as Tess stood also and walked him to the door. She opened the door, cold air starting to penetrate the skin of her bare arms. Kwame kissed her. 'I'll see you Tuesday.' he said and smiled before leaving. Tess closed the door and returned to the kitchen. She took some asprin and placed it into a glass of water, watching as the pill began to fizz. She picked the glass up, but heard a knock at the door. She replaced the glass and approached the door thinking maybe Kwame had forgotten something, but when she opened the door she saw Fletch standing there, a bottle of wine in his hand. 'Fletch...' she said.  
>'We need to talk.' Fletch said.<br>'No. We're finished.'  
>'So you're really over us?'<br>'Yes.'  
>'Then surely it won't hurt to hear what I have to say.' Fletch said and brushed up against Tess as he entered her house.<p>

They sat at Tess' table and Fletch poured them both some wine. 'I've had enough. And so have you by the look of things.' Tess said.  
>'A few more won't hurt.' Fletch said and pushed a glass towards Tess.<br>'What do you want Fletch?'  
>'You know what I want?'<br>'This has to stop. Too much has happened. You're married and I've moved on.' Tess said.  
>'I'm not married.' Fletch said and pulled a letter from his pocket, placing it in front of Tess. 'Nat met someone else and she's marrying him. She wanted to make it quick and painless. I'm divorced.' he said. Tess looked at him briefly before standing up and approaching her work top, leaning against it with her back to him. 'This doesn't change anything. I'm with someone else now and I didn't have to destroy a family to be with him.' she said. Fletch stood and approached her.<br>'Will you stop? You didn't destroy anything. I pursued you, I wanted you. You told me to back off, but I couldn't. I still can't.' he said. Tess turned to him, her eyes filling with tears.  
>'Please stop.' she said.<br>'I can't. How can I stop when I know you're with someone and it's not me?'  
>'It was hard enough getting over you. Please, just leave me.'<br>'No. I can't leave you. I keep trying to walk away, trying to do what you think is right, but the only thing that feels right is this, us together.' he said and took her hands.  
>'Fletch...'<br>'When I left the hospital that night after the crash I didn't even try to get my marriage back on track because I didn't want that. I wanted us. I've tried to get over you, but I can't. I still love you...' he said and Tess avoided eye contact. '...And I know you still love me.' he said and Tess looked back up. Soon they were kissing passionately and Tess felt her back press against the worktop as Fletch pushed her up against it. She pulled back. 'Fletch, maybe we shouldn't...' she said.  
>'I'm not letting you go ever again Tess.' Fletch said and started kissing her again, his hands moving over her and her heart racing as she felt her mind fog over and she gave in to her desires.<p> 


	5. Guilty

**Guilty**

Tess was sat at her table, a mixture of aspirin and water in front of her. As she swirled the contents of the glass she couldn't help but think about what she had done. She had let Fletch in again and he thought that last night meant they were back together, but they couldn't be. Her feeling of self-loathing came back to her. How could she have done this again? How could she have cheated on Kwame? He was a good man and he didn't deserve this. She knew she had to be honest with him though. Lies always caught up with you in the end; her time with Fletch had proven that much. She looked at her watch; it was nearing six in the morning and she hadn't slept. Luckily she had a few days off to catch up on her sleep. Fletch was still here, sleeping soundly in her bed and she didn't know what she was going to do. Here they were again and people were still going to get hurt. She had thought briefly of what being with Fletch would mean; he was free now and Natalie was marrying someone else, so the children had already had to accept that relationship, but could they accept her? She and Fletch had far more history between them; they had cheated, had conceived a child which she had gotten rid of and she would always hate herself for all the pain they had caused. One decision she made quickly though and gulped down the rest of the aspirin mix before opening her tumble dryer and pulling out a pair of joggers. She was soon running across a field nearby, her music playing loudly in her ears as she worked out the strains and stresses she was feeling. She jogged for over an hour before stopping as she felt her mobile buzz in her pocket. She pulled out the phone and saw a message from Fletch; "Where are you? x" it simply asked. She knew she had to face him and she couldn't put it off, he wouldn't just leave her house this morning like nothing had happened. She text back; "Back in 10.' and placed the phone back in to her pocket before starting to jog the remainder of the way home.

She entered the house and saw Fletch sat at the bottom of the stairs and he stood as she closed the door. 'I was worried.' he said.  
>'I needed to clear my head.' Tess answered before approaching the kitchen. Fletch followed and stopped in the door way, watching Tess gulping down some water. 'Tess...' he said. She placed the glass down and turned to him. 'You know it shouldn't have happened.' she said.<br>'Don't say that.'  
>'We'd had too much to drink, we got carried away.' she said, but she saw determination in Fletch's eyes as he approached her. 'We're not blaming the drink for this. We knew exactly what we were doing and we were meant to do it.' he said.<br>'Fletch please just give it up.'  
>'No. I meant every word I said last night. You can stand there and tell me we have to stop, but I know that's not what you want, not deep down. I felt what you wanted last night. Why do we have to keep punishing ourselves? Nat's moved on; she's getting married, but I can't move on, not from you. I'm begging you Tess, give us a chance. We've been through too much and we deserve to be happy together.'<br>'Fletch...' she said quietly, looking anywhere but into his eyes. He placed his hand beneath her chin and lifted her gaze to his before kissing her. 'I love you.' he said. Tess felt close to relenting again, but she backed away from him. 'No. We can't do this. Our whole relationship was built on lies. I want something honest and true.' she said.  
>'Tess, our relationship was built on friendship, close friendship...' he said, moving closer to her once more. '...I cared for you and respected you, you were fun to be around and kind, strong and selfless.' he said. 'Fletch, don't.'<br>'If anything was a lie, it was me continuing with a marriage that wasn't working anymore.'  
>'Natalie didn't deserve to be hurt like she was.'<br>'And I'm to blame for that.' he said. Tess' head was starting to spin again, they were going around in circles. 'Fletch, we can't keep doing this, it's getting us nowhere.' she said.  
>'Then stop fighting it.' he said with his cheeky grin. Tess took a deep breath. Fletch took her hand and she looked up at him. 'You made me happier than I'd been in a long time.' he said.<br>'You shouldn't say that. It's not fair on-'  
>'Natalie...Tess, I loved her and I'll always love her for all she gave me, but we made each other miserable...You want something honest and true? I am honestly and truly in love with you and I want us to be together. We can keep it quiet at work if you want and with me working on Keller now there won't be any issues with Connie.'<br>'Fletch-'  
>'What else do I have to do to prove how much I love you?' he asked, passionately. Tess shook her head, looking up at him. 'Nothing, you don't have to convince me. I knew the moment you refused to leave me on that train, but we hurt so many people including each other.'<br>'The only thing that ever hurt us was not being together and not being honest about how much we loved each other. If we still feel this way months after being apart then we have to give it a chance. We have to be together.'  
>'I can't.'<br>'Yes you can.'  
>'I can't cheat again. I'm with someone else.'<br>'You don't love him.'  
>'I still can't cheat. Kwame's a good man and he deserves honesty.'<br>'And you deserve to be with the man you love...me.' Fletch said. Tess' arguments against them seemed so feeble, but she was going to do the right thing this time. 'I need to talk to Kwame, but we can't see each other until then. No more cheating.'  
>'Okay. I'll wait for you, but I want to spend New Year's Eve with you. We're going to start the New Year together, as we should be.' he said.<br>'New Year.' Tess confirmed with a slight smile. Fletch kissed her on the cheek before grabbing his jacket from the back of the dining chair and leaving, reluctant to pull his gaze from hers as he backed out of the room.


	6. Admission

**Admission**

Wrapped in her coat, scarf and gloves, Tess walked along the side of the pitch, people screaming their encouragement to the rugby players as they ran back and forth, tackling and spraying mud as each team fought for possession of the ball. As he ran passed the cheering crowd, Kwame spotted Tess and quickly battled his way towards the end of the pitch, rolling across the line to score the winning try. Whilst his team celebrated, Kwame searched for Tess' face in the crowd and made his way towards her, his team mates patting him on the back. 'Hey...' he said and took her hand, leading her away from the screaming crowd and closer to the changing rooms. 'Did you enjoy it?' he asked.  
>'You were good.' Tess said, but Kwame noticed some sadness in her eyes, some shadow of doubt encompassing her. 'Are you okay?' he asked her.<br>'Can we talk?' Tess asked him.  
>'Sure. I'll just get cleaned up.' he said and kissed her forehead before entering the changing rooms.<p>

The crowd of supporters were scattering from the grounds as Tess sat on a bench outside the changing rooms. There was so much going through her mind, she was so conflicted as she wrestled with her emotions and tried to stop her tears from falling at the thought of hurting more people, at the thought of hurting Kwame who had only ever shown her kindness and respect. She pulled her coat tightly around her. 'You're cold.' Kwame said and Tess jumped up in surprise.  
>'Sorry.' he said as she turned to him and saw him in his sleeveless shirt with his bag hanging over his shoulder. 'You look troubled.' Kwame said.<br>'I'm fine.'  
>'No...but you will be. I hear retail therapy works wonders on the complexities of female emotions.' he said and offered her his hand. Tess took it, a slight smile playing her lips as she agreed to an afternoon of shopping; their talk could wait.<p>

After a short drive into town, Tess and Kwame were soon fighting their way through the crowd of other Christmas shoppers. Kwame was talking animatedly about the match and Tess admired his passion as she rid her mind of everything, concentrating solely on the sound of his voice and weaving her way through the crowd. She soon spotted a side street and pulled Kwame in that direction. The cobbled street was quieter than the main high street and Tess felt relief at the silence that greeted them. 'So what's on your mind?' Kwame asked her. Tess looked at him, knowing she had to be honest with him, she had to end things before they got any more complicated, but then she spotted a little boutique behind him and her eyes lit up. Kwame followed her gaze and smiled softly as he took her hand and led her into the small shop. Inside the store Tess requested to see a particular pendant from the window display. Kwame looked around whilst the shop assistant retrieved the item and brought it back to the counter for Tess to examine. Kwame approached and looked at the pendant in Tess' hand. 'It looks just like one I had when I was a child. My grandmother gave it to me for my first Holy Communion.' she said.  
>'It's beautiful.' Kwame agreed.<br>'Yes...' Tess said, thoughtfully.  
>'It's retailing at two five hundred.' said the shop assistant.<br>'That much?' Tess asked, surprised.  
>'It's a rare piece.' the assistant said as Tess turned it over in her fingers before placing it back on to the display. 'It is beautiful.' Tess said, resigned to the fact that she could only admire the piece; she would never spend that amount of money on something for herself. She spotted some earrings in the display case beneath them and asked to see them. The assistant pulled the tray out and showed Tess the selection. Tess admired a set of pretty pink studs and looked up at the assistant. 'One fifty.' the assistant said. 'I'll take them.' Tess said, thinking of her daughter. 'For Saskia.' she said to Kwame as the assistant wrapped up the earrings. Tess handed over a card and paid for the earrings. 'Tess, there's a little coffee shop a couple of doors down, could you get me a coffee and I'll meet you in a few. My mum would love one of these scarves.' he said.<br>'Sure.' Tess said and headed out of the store, walking the short walk to the coffee shop. As she sat down at a table, placing one steaming mug in front of the empty chair opposite and sipping from her own, she could not stop her dark thoughts from returning. She was having so much fun and she loved being with Kwame, but she knew her heart was with someone else and after their recent encounter she knew what she had to do. Although knowing what the right thing is and actually doing it is a different matter. Everything that had happened with Fletch made her see just how difficult doing the right thing could be. Fletch had maintained his promise and they hadn't seen or spoken to each other since Saturday morning, but despite knowing it was by her request, his lack of contact made ending her relationship with Kwame more difficult. It felt like the other night had just been a dream, that she was as alone as when she had asked Fletch to leave her the night of the accident. She honestly had no idea what to do. She loved Fletch and she knew she had promised him they would be together, but how could they ever move on from all the pain they had caused? And whatever Fletch promised about work, she knew people would find out and then the gossip and judging would start all over again. She knew what her nursing staff thought of the affair, she knew they blamed her for Fletch leaving and she knew they blamed her for the affair that had led to him leaving. Kwame was the easier choice, the more sensible choice and she could feel her mind trying to overpower her heart with this reasoning. Her thoughts were interrupted as she saw Kwame enter the shop and she smiled as he approached her, determined to not yet spoil their day. Kwame sat opposite her and took a sip from his mug. 'Perfect.' he said as he replaced the mug on to the table top. 'Did you find your mum a present?' Tess asked. Kwame pulled a beautiful embroidered scarf out of the boutique bag and passed it to Tess to examine. 'It's beautiful.' she said, her hand smoothing the silky material as she folded it neatly and handed it back to Kwame. 'I'm sure she'll love it.' she said. 'She'll love you...' he paused, watching her for a few seconds. '...I want to introduce you to her.' he said, hopefully. 'Oh, I don't know if that's a good idea.' Tess said. Kwame looked around them before reaching across the table and taking Tess' hand. 'Tess, we've been seeing each other for several weeks now and I want you to know how important you are to me. This isn't something I want to just fizzle out to nothing. I...' he suddenly stopped as he noticed Tess looking more flushed by the second. 'Tess, are you okay?' he asked with concern.  
>'It's just warm in here that's all.' Tess said.<br>'Come on...' Kwame stood, collecting their shopping bags before helping Tess up, placing an arm around her and guiding her out of the door back into the fresh, crisp winter air.

As day faded into evening, Tess and Kwame were sitting in a quiet corner of a nice restaurant, empty plates in front of them and Tess sipping her wine. 'Are you feeling better?' Kwame asked her.  
>'Yeah, much, thank you.' Tess said.<br>'No problem.' Kwame said as a waitress placed the bill beside him. He opened the leather book, observing the bill before placing some money down as Tess finished her wine. 'Come on, I'll drive you home.' Kwame said, standing and offering his hand. Tess picked up her bags and coat before taking his hand and allowing him to lead her out of the restaurant.

As they drove towards her place, Tess knew time was running out to tell Kwame that they were over, that they had to be over because she was in love with someone else. 'What are your plans for Christmas?' Kwame asked her out of nowhere.  
>'I haven't really thought about it...'<br>'Because I'd like to see you.'  
>'Kwame, we really need to talk.'<br>'You don't have to, I just really want to spend some time with you. After all, isn't that what Christmas is about? Being with those you care about...those you love?' he asked, glancing quickly at her. Tess looked at him in shock as he slowed down at a set of traffic lights. A red glow was cast upon their faces as Tess sat there, speechless, her heart feeling like it had fallen from her chest and settled in her stomach. 'What did...' she started.  
>'I've fallen in love with you.'<br>'You can't...'  
>'I have. Tess, I love you.' he said and quickly leant forwards, kissing her. Tess was still speechless, unable to talk or to return his kiss. Kwame pulled back as he heard beeping and realised the lights had changed. 'Look...' Tess started as they began to accelerate over the crossroad. 'LOOK OUT!' she shouted, bright lights beaming as a car sped towards Kwame's side.<p>

Tyres screeched and horns beeped loudly, cars swerving as a car smashed into Kwame's door, glass shattering into him and Tess as the car was sent into a one eighty spin.

As the car stopped, it rocked back and forth, threatening to tip.

Tess was unconscious, her head against her window, blood running from a head wound.

Fletch walked along a corridor at Holby, chatting with a colleague when he suddenly stopped. 'You okay?' the colleague asked. Fletch had felt a sudden jolt of dread shoot through him like electricity, leaving a numbness in its wake. He shook himself and looked up at his colleague. 'I'm fine.' he said. However, as he continued to make his way along the corridor he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, and despite his promises to Tess he had an irresistible urge to call her and make sure she was okay.

Tess could hear sirens and screaming. Her head hurt so much. She slowly came to and pulled herself back against the chair, feeling pain shooting through her with every movement.

She looked over to the driver's side and saw Kwame unconscious. 'Kwame...' she said weakly, trying to rouse him. 'Kwame, wake up...' she said again, but there was no movement.

She moved again, sending pain shooting through her once more as she reached across, placing her fingers against Kwame's neck. She felt relief flow through her as his pulse beat against her fingers and the sirens became louder as the emergency crews sped towards them. She could feel her eyelids drooping, but she had to stay awake, she had to. She felt her mobile in her jeans pocket and ignored the pain as she tried to retrieve it, fighting against the belt locking her in. After what felt like hours, but was undoubtedly just a minute, she managed to pull the phone free from the pocket. The screen lit up, casting an eerie glow across her as she scrolled through her address book before coming to his name. She placed the phone to her ear, but felt her heart ache when she heard his cheeky voicemail message. 'Fletch...' she said weakly. She needed him, she needed his comforting warmth, his smile and his ability to make everything feel okay even in the darkest moments. 'Adrian...' but she managed nothing more as she screamed out in pain and dropped the phone, it landing amongst the shopping bags at her feet.

All too soon she was met with familiar faces as her door was pulled open by Dixie and Iain. 'Tess...' Dixie said. 'This is Kwame Turay...' Tess managed to say weakly. '...The other car...it crashed straight into him...he has a pulse...but he hasn't regained consciousness...' she said through struggled, short breaths. 'Okay Tess just take it easy.' Dixie said kindly. 'Iain, get Mr Turay's neck stabilised.' she said and Iain ran around the other side of the car, managing to pull the door open with some effort before he straightened Kwame's neck and held his head straight. They were soon joined by fire fighters and two more paramedics. Tess could see police cordoning of the area, moving pedestrians out of the way. 'Tess, I need you to answer some questions for me...' Dixie said. '...Did you lose consciousness?'  
>'Yes.' Tess answered.<br>'Do you know roughly how long for?'  
>'Three, maybe five minutes. I don't know.'<br>'Any pain in your neck?'  
>'A bit.'<br>'Okay. I'm going to put a neck brace on you and we're going to get you on to a spinal board.'  
>'Please, leave me. Help Kwame first.' Tess said. Iain returned to Dixie's side as the other two paramedics took over with Kwame. 'He'll be well taken care of, but you need to be taken care of too. Iain, could you get a brace and a spinal board please?' Dixie asked and Iain headed back to the ambulance whilst Dixie injected some morphine into Tess to help ease her pain. 'Is there anyone you need us to call?' Dixie asked her. Tess thought about Fletch, but she didn't want anyone to know they were back in contact. 'No.' she said simply. 'Kwame has a mum though.' she quickly said.<br>'Okay.' Dixie said as Iain returned with the neck brace. Everything was starting to blur before her eyes, sounds becoming more distant as Tess tried to make sense of her surroundings. 'Tess, stay with us.' She heard Dixie's voice as if from a long distance, saw her face swimming before her eyes and then all went dark.

The next thing she heard was Dixie describing her injuries as she was sped down the hospital corridor. She saw nothing but strip lights and closed her eyes again. As she blinked several times she heard Zoe ordering morphine, bloods and x-rays. She heard Dixie say the words "GCS seven" and knew they were taking no chances that her injuries could be anything but serious. As she blinked several times, she saw Zoe's face swim before her eyes before coming into focus. 'Tess, can you hear me?' Zoe asked.  
>'Zoe...' Tess said weakly.<br>'Do you know what happened?'  
>'The car...ran a red light...it was going so fast...Kwame...Where?...' she struggled to string her words together as she attempted to move and felt her colleagues restraining. 'It's okay. He had to be cut out of the vehicle, but he's on his way. You need to stay still, Tess.' Zoe said. Tess heard Zoe tell a nurse to order the CT and she quickly grabbed her friend's hand. 'No. Kwame...' she said.<br>'Tess, you need to have a CT scan.' Zoe said as the doors opened and Kwame was wheeled into the room, Ash following. 'No.' Tess said. She was determined not to go anywhere. She was desperate. She needed to know Kwame would be okay. She felt the sting of needles puncturing her skin, she could hear Zoe giving orders. There was just loud noise, unrelenting noise battering her senses and all she wanted was peace. She took Zoe's hand again and Zoe leant in to her friend. 'I need to see him. Please.' she begged.  
>'Tess, he's in the best hands, you know that.'<br>'Please Zoe.' she begged, feeling hot tears streaming from her eyes.  
>'Rita, let's get an x-ray of her neck and spine.' Zoe said. Within twenty minutes Kwame had been stabilised and Zoe was examining Tess' x-rays on her iPad. She approached the head of the trolley so that Tess could make eye contact with her. 'The x-rays are clear, so we'll be able to make you more comfortable...' she said with a nod to Rita, who started to un-strap Tess from the spinal board. '...I still want to send you for a CT scan to rule out any serious head injury though.' Zoe said. Tess was able to nod as her neck was released. She had heard Kwame's GCS being given as five, so knew he would be going to CT before her, which was what she wanted. Soon she was propped up and able to look across the room at Kwame who had still not regained consciousness, but she could see the heart monitor showing signs of life and silently willed him to keep fighting. Robyn entered the room, carrying a number of bags, and approached Tess. 'The police retrieved these from the car...' she said, placing them gently on Tess' trolley. 'And they want to talk to you about the crash when you're up to it.' she finished.<br>'Thank you.' Tess said, looking at the bags. The scarf for Kwame's mum was trailing out of the bag and whilst Zoe crossed the room to the telephone, she pulled the material towards her only to spot a box beneath it. She reached into the bag and retrieved the box, noticing a card stuck to it. She opened the card to see Kwame's neat writing; "Tess, you are just as rare and just as precious. Merry Christmas. All my love, Kwame xxx" She slowly opened the plush velvet jewellery box to see the very pendant she had been admiring earlier that day in the boutique, the one she knew she could never afford and knew she could never accept. She felt her breathing quicken as she started to panic, tears raced down her cheeks as she flung her legs over the edge of the bed and pulled the cannula from her hand. Without being seen Tess raced from the room only to come face-to-face with who could only be Kwame's mum being escorted by Robyn. 'Tess, you should be...' Robyn started, but Mrs Turay looked at Tess. 'You're his girlfriend.' she said softly. Tess could see the tear tracks down her cheeks as she moved closer. 'He talks about you all the time.' she said.  
>'I'm sorry.' Tess said and quickly headed down the corridor just as Zoe rushed out of resus, having looked up to see Tess' empty bed. 'Tess...' she called as she followed as quickly as her heels would allow her.<p>

Tess was soon in the safety of her office, glad that it was empty - Charlie must be treating patients - she slowly approached her desk and sat down. What had she done? This was all her fault. It should have been her unconscious in that room, not him.

She felt warm copper liquid seep into her mouth, she wiped her lip with her hand only to realise her nose was bleeding. She tried to stand, but she felt no control over her limbs. Her chair sped back as she fell to the floor and her body started to convulse violently. Zoe entered the room to see her friend fitting. 'Tess...CAN I GET SOME HELP IN HERE?' she called out of the door before rushing to Tess' side.


	7. Uncertainty

**Uncertainty**

Tess' lifeless body moved through the CT scanner, Zoe watching anxiously behind the glass whilst the radiographer studied the images on the computer screen. Zoe looked at the image of Tess' brain on the monitor. 'Subdural hematoma.' she said, anxiously.  
>'She needs surgery immediately.' the radiologist said. Zoe picked up the phone.<br>'Page Guy Self. We have a subdural hematoma in need of immediate surgery. Please inform him it is Sister Tess Bateman.' she said and hung up.

Upstairs Rik was passing Guy's door as it opened. 'Rik, I need assistance on a subdural hematoma.' Guy said urgently. 'Right, I'll get scrubbed up.' Rik said.  
>'Rik...' Guy said quietly. He made sure no one else was listening before looking back at him. 'The patient is Tess Bateman.' he said.<br>'Tess...' Rik said anxiously. He had known Tess for a long time and thought a lot of her.  
>'Try and keep it under your hat.' Guy said.<br>'Of course.'  
>'They're bringing her up now. I'll see you in there.' Guy said before heading off just as Fletch passed, walking towards Rik. He noticed Rik's troubled expression. 'Everything alright?' he asked. Rik looked at him, well aware of his past relationship with Tess, but he didn't know if now was the right moment to break the news; they had to save Tess' life, but then if the worse did happen and Fletch found out she had been admitted without his knowledge, would that make the situation more difficult? This internal argument took mere seconds before Rik opened Guy's office door and, with a nod of his head, indicated for Fletch to enter. Once the door was closed, Fletch looked at him expectantly. 'What's going on?' Fletch asked.<br>'I'm needed in theatre, but I thought you should know first...' Rik hesitated.  
>'What?' Fletch asked, his earlier dread returning.<br>'...It's Tess Bateman...'  
>'Tess?'<br>'She was involved in an RTC a few hours ago.'  
>'Oh God!' Fletch breathed, feeling every ounce of strength leaving him. His legs suddenly felt like jelly. 'Well how badly hurt is she?' he asked.<br>'That's why I'm due in theatre. It's a subdural hematoma.'  
>'Oh my God. Tess...' Fletch said and collapsed into the chair, his breathing speeding as tears filled his eyes and he felt himself shaking. 'Take some time, but we need you on the ball out there. I'll come and see you after...' Rik said.<br>'No...' Fletch said loudly as he stood. '...I have to be with her...Let me assist.' he said, trying to exit, determined to get scrubbed up and be with her, but Rik stopped him, placing a hand on his shoulder. 'You know you can't be in there, it's against protocol. Guy is heading the procedure and once we've finished I'll come and find you.' Rik said, trying to sooth him.  
>'I have to see her.' Fletch said desperately.<br>'There's little point. She's unconscious. Look, the sooner we get in there the more likely we are to save her.'  
>'Okay.' Fletch agreed. He would do anything to make sure Tess survived. Rik left the office and Fletch collapsed back into the chair. He knew something bad had happened. He pulled his phone from his pocket and switched it on. Once it had loaded he saw a missed call from Tess and a voicemail message. He placed his phone to his ear and listened to the voicemail. He felt his heart ache before breaking into a million pieces as he heard Tess say his name and then scream in pain before the line went dead. 'Oh Tess.' he said sorrowfully. He knew he had to pull himself together and get back to work, but he couldn't, he couldn't work whilst Tess' life was hanging by a thread. He slowly stood and made his way out of the office. His mind wasn't on his job so he informed a colleague to take over the running of the ward whilst he did some paperwork, but in the silence of the office he was unable to concentrate on his work. He watched the clock; the time was ticking by so slowly. He kept hearing Tess' scream playing over in his head.<p>

After several hours, the office door opened and Rik entered, still in his scrubs. Fletch stood up. 'Sorry. I couldn't concentrate. How is she?' he asked.  
>'The surgery went well, but the next forty eight hours are crucial.' Rik explained. Fletch nodded his understanding. 'Can I see her?' he asked as tears filled his eyes.<br>'Listen...' Rik said, his own sadness obvious to Fletch. '...she's in an induced coma in ICU and at the moment there are no guarantees she will ever regain consciousness.'  
>'Please Rik, I have to be with her.'<br>'Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I thought your affair was over.'  
>'It was, but...I still love her...If something happens...' he stopped. '...I can't even bear to think about it, but I have to be by her side.' he said. Rik nodded his understanding.<br>'You really love her?' he asked.  
>'More than anything.' Fletch answered simply.<br>'I'll take you to her.' Rik said.

Fletch was dressed in his jeans and jumper, his bag in his hand as Rik escorted him to ICU. They reached the windowed room and Fletch looked through the blind to see Tess' lifeless body against the white sheets. He saw a bandage wrapped around her head, a tube threaded through it from her skull to a container beneath the bed. She was intubated and he could see the rhythm of her heart on the monitor, the drips hanging beside her and he felt so much pain and horror. 'There were no complications during the procedure, which is good, but now it's just a waiting game. She needs to make it through the next forty-eight hours and hopefully she'll wake up soon afterwards.' Rik said.  
>'She looks so fragile.' Fletch said, struggling to get his words past the lump that had formed in his throat. 'She's strong.' Rik said.<br>'What about permanent damage?' Fletch asked.  
>'Let's just take it one step at a time.' Rik said, touching his arm before walking away as Fletch entered the room and closed the door gently behind him. He approached the bed, placing his bag on the floor and sitting on the chair beside it. Tears filled his eyes as he took Tess' hand. She was pale and apart from the bandage wrapped around her head he could see a number of cuts and bruises. Fletch lifted Tess' hand, wrapping both of his around it and kissing her fingertips. 'I'm here, Tess.' he said softly. He attempted a smile as he stroked her cheek. 'This doesn't change anything. I'm not letting you off our deal that easily...' his smile faltered as he pressed her hand against his cheek and kissed her palm. 'We will spend New Year together and we will have a future together.' he said, his tears rolling down his cheeks, hitting Tess' palm and leaving a trail as they dripped down her arm.<p>

The next few days past by in a blur for Fletch. He continued to work professionally and somehow managed to keep focused, but his breaks and all of his spare time - apart from the few hours spent with his children - he spent at Tess' side, holding her hand and telling her he loved her, hoping she could hear him. After three days, the drains were taken out of Tess' head and she was stitched up and re-bandaged, but she was showing no signs of regaining consciousness and Fletch knew the longer she was unconscious the less likely she would recover.

As he finished his shift early Sunday morning; determined to get back to Tess, he was passing Guy's office when the surgeon called him in. He entered and was instructed to close the door. Fletch faced Guy, looking at him inquisitively and hoping whatever he wanted to say would be quick. 'ICU have informed me you've been spending a lot of time up there over the last few days, visiting my patient.' he said. Fletch had known this would be coming eventually, but he remained calm. 'I've been sitting with Tess when I can, yes.' he answered simply.  
>'I thought I made my position very clear the day you started working up here. I will not have staff affairs interfering with the running of this hospital, and if you must indulge in your penchant for older women you will do so on your own time and away from this hospital.' he said, sternly. Fletch felt his anger bubbling beneath the surface; lack of sleep and Guy's disrespect for Tess was making it increasingly difficult to contain his feelings. 'With all due respect Mr Self, what I do in my own time is my business and whatever is happening has not impacted on the way I've been doing my job.' he said in a forced steady voice. 'Not yet.' Guy said.<br>'And it won't...Look, I know what you all think, but you know nothing about what happened between me and Tess other than idle, misinformed gossip. I love this job and I'm good at it, and if you really want to sack me then go ahead, but it's not going to stop me being there for Tess. Apart from my children Tess is the most important person in my life. So punish me if you must, but know one thing first; this isn't the crude fetish you would like to think it is...I love her.' he finished, passionately. Guy reclined in his seat, examining Fletch for a few minutes. Fletch moved closer to the desk, looking seriously at Guy. 'Be straight with me; what are her chances?' he asked. Guy leaned forwards placing his elbows upon the desk and fixing Fletch with a solemn stare. 'The good news is each CT shows that the injury has healed and there are no signs of secondary bleeds, but until she awakes - if she awakes - the prognosis is not good.' he said.  
>'What can we do?'<br>'Wait, hope and-'  
>'Pray.' Fletch finished.<p>

Fletch headed to Tess' room to see her still sleeping, still intubated and unchanged. Her personal effects had been placed in a cupboard by the bed and Fletch searched through it. He quickly found her house keys, closed the cupboard door and kissed Tess' head. 'I'll be back soon.' he said and kissed her again.

He rushed out of the hospital to his car and before long he was unlocking Tess' front door and entering her home. He switched the light on and looked around at the familiar surroundings before slowly heading up the stairs and following the familiar path to her bedroom. He knew where to find it. He had caught a glimpse of it one morning when Tess had been putting on her cross necklace. The necklace had unfortunately been lost during the accident, but as he opened the jewellery box he saw her rosary beads. He picked them up and placed them in his pocket, turning to look at the bed where he had held Tess. He wanted those moments back. He left the room, glancing around it once more before switching off the light and returning to the hospital.

On his arrival back at the hospital, before heading back to Tess' room, he stopped at the chapel and slowly walked the isle to the front row where he sat staring at the wooden cross in front. He took Tess' rosary out of his pocket and stroked the beads between his fingers, closing both his hands around the cross and pressing his eyes tightly closed as he pleaded for Tess' life.

He re-entered her room some time later, and approached her. He withdrew the rosary from his pocket, kissing the cross before placing it into Tess' hand. He folded her fingers gently to a close and again placed a delicate kiss on her head.


	8. Expect the Unexpected

**Expect the Unexpected**

Christmas was approaching fast as Tess' state remained unchanged. She was still alive, still strong, no further bleeds, but she had not regained consciousness.

Kwame was also in the ICU, his mother maintaining a vigil by his side. The accident had damaged his spine and he was also in a coma, but one evening Mrs Turay had returned following a quick meal in the hospital canteen and was reading a book beside the bed as she heard a choking sound and looked to see her son's eyes flickering. She pressed the "call nurse" button and held Kwame's hand.

After he had been extubated, Mrs Turay helped Kwame sip water through a straw. 'Tess?' he asked as she placed the cup on the table. 'You need some rest son.' Mrs Turay said. Kwame took his mother's hand. 'Please.' he begged. Mrs Turay nodded and bent down to kiss his head.  
>'I'll try and find out for you.' she promised before leaving the room.<p>

Fletch entered Tess' room carrying a gift bag. He approached the bed and kissed Tess' head. 'Hey...' he said. '...I have something for you...' He pulled a small bear out of the bag. 'I know it's a bit cheesy, but...' he said before placing the bear on the cabinet. He then pulled out a piece of paper, unfolding it to reveal a child's drawing and placing it on Tess' still lifeless body. '...I told Ella that a special friend of mine was really ill and she drew this for you.' he said.

He was interrupted as he heard the door open and turned to see a woman enter. 'I'm sorry...' Mrs Turay said. '...she was with my son when...' she said and Fletch realised this was the mother of Tess' new boyfriend. 'It's okay. How is your son?' he asked. 'He's just woken. He's asking about her.' she said, glancing at Tess. 'She hasn't regained consciousness yet and they don't know if she ever will.' he said sadly, and held Tess' hand.

The door opened and Guy entered the room. 'Nurse Fletcher...' he said.  
>'Mr Self, this is...' Fletch started.<br>'Mrs Turay. My son is her boyfriend.' Mrs Turay said to Guy who looked between them both. 'He's asking about her.' she said.  
>'She's stable, but that's all I can say right now...' Guy answered, but approached the end of Tess' bed. '...There is something else though.' he said.<br>'What is it?' Fletch asked, worried.  
>'We've been running regular tests and today something showed up. We triple checked, but it's certain...'<br>'What?' Mrs Turay asked.  
>'She's pregnant...' Guy said. Fletch looked up at him, not letting go of Tess' hand.<br>'What?' he asked.  
>'She's not that far. About three weeks, but she's definitely pregnant and now it's even more imperative that she wakes soon.' he said. 'Mrs Kwame, you may tell your son if you wish, but tell him not to expect too much. Until Tess wakes the baby's life hangs in the balance.' he said.<br>'I understand.' she said.

Once he was alone with her once more, Fletch sat beside Tess on the bed and placed his hand gently on her stomach. He looked at Tess, her eyes still closed and unblinking. 'Tess, you have to wake up. We're having a baby.' he said and bent over, placing his lips upon her stomach.


	9. Christmas Miracle

**Christmas Miracle**

As he finished his shift Christmas morning, Fletch headed up to the ICU. Whilst the lift travelled to the right floor he thought about the time he would be spending with his children the next day, but he knew that he would be distracted by his worry for Tess. Boxing Day would be the only day since the accident that he wouldn't be able to spend any time by her side.

When he reached her room, he was happy to see she had no other visitors as he wanted to spend some time alone with her. He entered her semi-dark room - it was barely eight in the morning and a dim light was only just starting to stream through the blinds at the windows as he approached her and kissed her head. 'Merry Christmas angel.' he said as he sat beside her on the bed. 'I got you a present...' He pulled a jewellery box from his bag and opened it to reveal a gold crucifix. 'I know it's not much, but since you lost yours in the accident I thought...' he stopped and closed the jewellery box, placing it on the bedside table before running his fingers across Tess' cheek. 'Please wake up.' he said desperately, his other hand coming to rest on her stomach.

As time ticked on, Fletch was back in the chair by Tess' side, his head resting on the bed as he slept, his hand wrapped around hers.

'Who are you?' Fletch woke to see a young woman standing by the end of the bed. He saw her eyes scrutinising him and noticed they were the same dark shade as Tess' with the same spirited fire in them. 'Sorry...' he started as he sat up. '...I'm Fletch. You must be Saskia.' he asked.  
>'How did-'<br>'Your mum's told me a lot about you.' Fletch said. Saskia approached the side of the bed and Fletch watched her sweep Tess' hair back and kiss her forehead. 'I had to come and see her today. Sam's coming over tomorrow.' she said sadly. Fletch took a chair from the corner of the room and placed it by Saskia. 'Thanks.' she said before sitting down. Fletch rounded the bed and sat back down. He watched as Saskia turned over her mum's hand and spotted the rosary beads. 'I thought it would help.' Fletch said. Saskia closed Tess' hand back over the beads and looked up at Fletch.  
>'How do you know mum?' Saskia asked.<br>'I erm...' he froze for a second. '...I used to work for her downstairs.' he said, looking up at her.  
>'You don't anymore?'<br>'I run the AAU ward now.'  
>'But you're here looking after her.'<br>'We were close friends. I didn't want her to be alone.' he said.  
>'Her doctor told me she was in an accident with a man she was seeing.'<br>'Yes. He's in another room in the unit.'  
>'Is he awake?'<br>'Yes.'  
>'I'd like to meet him. I need to know what happened.'<br>'I can go and find him for you.' Fletch said and Saskia nodded her agreement. Fletch squeezed Tess' hand gently before heading out of the room. Whilst he was absent from the room, Saskia used a comb from her bag to straighten out Tess' hair - she saw the dressing covering her mother's wound from the surgery and leant down to kiss the dressing, remembering how her mum would always kiss her wounds better when she was younger. She then straightened out her mum's hospital gown and blankets before looking at the heart monitor, showing her mum was still with her, still fighting; she had always been a fighter. She spotted a piece of paper on the cabinet and picked it up to see a child's drawing. 'My daughter drew it.' Saskia looked up to see Fletch had re-entered the room. He approached the bed. 'You have children?' Saskia asked.  
>'Four, two of each.'<br>'Shouldn't you be with them today?'  
>'It's complicated. I'm divorced. I'll see them tomorrow.'<br>'I guess I'm lucky mum and dad didn't get divorced until we were practically adults.'  
>'Mr Turay is awake and said he'll see you. If you ask at the nurse's station they'll take you to him.' Fletch said, quickly changing the subject. 'Thank you. Will you stay with her?' Saskia asked. Fletch nodded as she kissed Tess again before leaving the room.<p>

Fletch sat on the bed beside Tess once more; noticing that Saskia had combed her hair, as he ran his fingers up and down her arm.

As his hand reached her fingers for a third time he felt movement and looked down to see the tips of her fingers twitching.

He looked up at her to see her eyes moving. 'Tess...' he said hopefully as he stood up.

He pressed the "call nurse" button and leant over Tess, stroking her hair and continuing to hold her hand as he spoke her name several more times and heard her cough as nurses entered the room and ushered him out.

Saskia was stood at the end of Kwame's bed, Kwame propped up against the pillows, his mum sitting beside him. The door opened and Fletch entered, every one looking up at him. 'She's awake.' he said to Saskia.

Saskia and Fletch waited outside Tess' room as nurses made her comfortable. A nurse exited the room. 'You can go in now, but go easy, she's still very weak.' she said.

Tess was now sat up against her pillows, extubated but still hooked up to a heart monitor as Fletch and Saskia entered the room. Saskia rushed over to her mum, and kissed and hugged her. Tess held her daughter close, spotting Fletch over her shoulder.

Fletch had a brief second of worry that Tess may have amnesia, but her soft smile told him his worries were fruitless.

Saskia pulled back, tears streaming from her eyes as she held Tess' hand. 'Do you need anything?' Saskia asked. 'Water.' Tess said croakily.  
>'I'll get it.' Fletch offered.<br>'No, it's okay. I need to call Sam anyway. Please, just keep her company.' Saskia said and kissed Tess' head again before leaving the room.

As the door closed, Fletch approached the bed. 'Fletch...' Tess said. Tears were filling Fletch's eyes as he sat beside Tess and held her hand. 'I was afraid I'd lost you.' he said. Tess swept his tears away and he held her palm to his lips, kissing her tenderly. He managed a smile as he swept the rest of his tears away and looked at her. 'How's Kwame?' Tess asked.  
>'He's out of the woods and awake. He was very lucky.'<br>'So was I.' Tess said simply.  
>'Tess, what did the nurses tell you?'<br>'Just the basics...what happened...and they asked me if...if I remembered the accident...my name... birthday, job...'  
>'They didn't tell you anything else about the tests they've done whilst you've been unconscious?'<br>'No...Why, is something wrong?' Tess asked with a frown.  
>'No, nothing's wrong...' he said and wrapped both of his hands around hers as he looked back into her eyes. 'Tess, you're-' he stopped as the door opened and he heard Kwame's voice saying Tess' name.<p>

They both looked over at the door to see Kwame's mother wheeling Kwame towards them in his wheelchair, Saskia following behind. Fletch stood and backed away from the bed as Kwame was wheeled to Tess' side and Saskia rounded the bed. 'Sam said he'll be here tonight.' she said as she helped Tess to sip from the cup of water. 'Tess, how do you feel?' Kwame asked as he held her hand.  
>'Sore.' she said simply as Saskia placed the water on the cupboard.<br>'I'm so glad you're okay.'  
>'And you?'<br>'A few months of physio and they reckon I'll be as right as rain.'  
>'And you two can move in together just in time for-' Mrs Turay said.<br>'Move in together?' Saskia asked, interrupting.  
>'It's the best way for them to be a family.'<br>'Mum.' Kwame said.  
>'Kwame, we never...' Tess started.<br>'I know. Mum, we aren't moving in together.'  
>'But you have to. It won't be right raising the child across two separate households.' Mrs Turay said. Fletch looked up at them. 'The what?' Kwame asked.<br>'Tess is pregnant.'  
>'What?' Tess asked.<br>'That's impossible.' Saskia said.  
>'Ask him.' Mrs Turay said and they all looked over at Fletch.<br>'It's true.' he said finally.

Tess felt her stomach turn as the news rang through her ears and Kwame pulled his hand away from hers. 'She can't be.' Kwame said.  
>'Son, you can take all kinds of precautions, but sometimes-' Mrs Turay said.<br>'No! Mum, you don't understand. We haven't...' he looked up at Tess, his sadness threatening to encompass him. 'I'd like to leave now.' he said, pulling his eyes from Tess.  
>'You mean you've been two-timing my son?' Mrs Turay demanded angrily.<br>'Kwame, I'm so sorry.' Tess said.  
>'Sorry?' Mrs Turay shouted.<br>'Stop this. My mum needs her rest.' Saskia said.  
>'Oh, I know just what your mum needs young lady.'<br>'That's enough!' Fletch said. 'Mrs Turay your son has asked to leave, please take him back to his room. Tess needs her rest.' he said.  
>'It was you.' Mrs Turay said, looking suspiciously at Fletch. 'You've been here every day with her, holding her hand, looking after her-'<p>

A nurse enters the room, looking at the scene. 'Whatever this is about can surely wait for a more suitable time. This is the intensive care unit and both Mr Turay and Ms. Bateman need their rest.' she said. Mrs Turay quickly wheeled her son from the room and the nurse followed, closing the door behind them. 'Saskia, can you pass me my bag?' Tess asked her dumbfounded daughter. Saskia retrieved the bag from the cupboard and passed it to Tess who pulled a small gift bag from it and handed it to her. 'Please give this back to Kwame for me.' Tess asked. Saskia nodded, but didn't utter a word as she left the room.

Fletch approached Tess. 'I'm so sorry, I tried to tell you before...Look Tess I know how you're feeling and I understand, but don't punish yourself. You both being alive is a miracle.' he said.  
>'I'm really pregnant?'<br>'Yes...and this time I'm going to look after you and we're going to be a family...Tess, please tell me you're okay with this.'  
>'I don't know.' Tess said. Fletch understood her shock and decided to leave the subject for now. He picked up the jewellery box from the bedside table that he had brought with him that morning. 'Here...' he said as he passed the box to her. She opened it to see the crucifix.<br>'Fletch...'  
>'It's a Christmas present. Your other one was lost in the accident.'<br>'And did you bring my rosary in?'  
>'Yes. I even went to the chapel and prayed for you. Sounds stupid, I know...'<br>'No...What she said about you being here every day-'  
>'It's true. Whenever I could be. Between my shifts, during my breaks. I had to be with you.'<br>'Thank you.' Tess said. Fletch held her hand.  
>'Here...' he said as he picked up the drawing and showed her. 'It's from Ella.' he said.<br>'Your daughter?'  
>'She said she hopes you feel better soon...Don't worry. Now you're awake everything else will work out.' Fletch said.<p>

At that moment Saskia re-entered the room. Fletch could sense they needed time, so he quickly squeezed Tess' hand. 'I'll go and get you something to eat.' he said before rising from the bed and leaving the room. Saskia approached the bed and sat beside her mother. 'Mum...' she started, but stopped, unable to find the words. 'I'm shocked too, love.' Tess said.  
>'Is he really the father, this Fletch?' Saskia asked.<br>'Yes.' Tess answered, ashamed and avoiding eye contact with her daughter. Saskia took Tess' hand to comfort her . 'Do you love him?' Saskia asked.  
>Tess looked up at her daughter, her eyes sad as she nodded. 'Yes.' she said, quietly.<br>'Then I'm happy for you and I look forward to meeting my baby brother or sister.' Saskia said and Tess' eyes were streaming as her daughter hugged her. Saskia was accepting, understanding and happy for her, she wasn't judging or hating.

Fletch re-entered the room, carrying a paper bag and approached the bed. 'They said you can't have too much just in case you don't keep it down.' he said as he placed the bag on the bedside cabinet. 'Thanks.' Tess said. Fletch was about to walk away and give them more time alone, but Tess took his hand and he looked back at her. 'Fletch, I want to properly introduce you to my daughter, Saskia.' she said. Saskia stood up and offered her hand, which Fletch shook. 'You'd better look after her.' Saskia said. Fletch looked briefly at Tess, wondering if this meant that she would finally let them be together before looking back at Saskia. 'I'd do anything for her.' Fletch said and his eyes met Tess' again.

Later that night after Saskia had headed to her mum's house to get some rest, Fletch was sitting in the chair beside a sleeping Tess. He had brought a radio into the room, which was now on the cabinet as the station played a number of carols being sung by choir boys. Fletch watched Tess peacefully sleeping and thanking God for this miracle as _Silent Night_ played.


	10. Discussing the Future

**Discussing the Future**

Boxing Day evening, Fletch was standing on Natalie's doorstep with their children. As the door opened the older children rushed inside and Fletch handed Theo to Natalie. 'Nat, we need to talk.' he said. 'If we must.' Natalie said and Fletch followed her into the house.

Once inside the cosy house, Natalie handed Theo to her fiancé; a tall man with silver hair. 'We won't be long.' she said and he took the kids into the living room whilst she and Fletch entered the kitchen. 'What is it?' she asked, closing the door.  
>'It's about Tess.' he said.<br>'I'm not talking about her.'  
>'You don't have to, just listen.'<br>'Why should I give you that consideration?'  
>'Because we still share four children and whatever has happened between us, we still love them.' he said. Natalie seemed to relent, so Fletch felt it safe to continue talking. 'She was in an accident a few weeks back...' he stated.<br>'And I'm supposed to feel sorry for her?'  
>'Natalie, please, just listen...' Fletch said. '...She nearly died, she's been in a coma every since. We didn't know if she'd make it, but yesterday she woke up and now...' he stopped talking.<br>'You're going back to her.' Natalie finished.  
>'Nat, she's pregnant.'<br>'What?'  
>'And I'm going to be with her. And I want the kids to know her.'<br>'I don't want my children having anything to do with that woman.'  
>'Natalie-'<br>'No! She ruined my life. You both did. I don't want her near my kids.'  
>'They're my children too.'<br>'I'm not stopping you from seeing them, but that woman is not allowed near my children.'  
>'Nat, you're being unreasonable. I haven't argued about you bringing another man into the house.'<br>'You're the one who cheated! It's not supposed to be easy for you...Now I'm done talking about this.'  
>'Fine. I'll let it rest for now, but the kids will have a new brother or sister and you can't keep them apart.' he said before leaving the room. After saying a quick goodbye to his children, he left the house and headed back to the hospital.<p>

He returned to the ICU to find Tess asleep. Finally there was no beeping heart monitor and she looked peaceful as she breathed gentle breaths. He closed the door and the blinds, shutting out everyone as he approached her and sat with her again.

Tess stirred when she felt her bed depress as Fletch sat down beside her. Her eyes flickered open and he looked into their chocolate brown depths. 'Hey.' Fletch said with a smile. Tess pulled herself up. 'What time is it?' she asked him.  
>'About eight. Where are your kids?'<br>'They left around six.'  
>'Has Guy come to see you yet?'<br>'Briefly. He said I'm moving to a ward tomorrow.'  
>'Did he say when you can go home?'<br>'Three or four days maybe.'  
>'And the baby?' Fletch asked quietly; they had not spoken about the baby since she had found out and he didn't even know if broaching the subject was a good idea, but he needed to know what she wanted for their future because he was certain of what he wanted. 'I'm still pregnant.' Tess said simply. Fletch knew Tess was in shock still. 'Have you thought about it?' he asked.<br>'I've thought of nothing else. Saskia and Sam know.'  
>'And how do they feel?'<br>'They said they'll support me no matter what I decide.' she said.  
>'We need to talk about this some time.' Fletch said, holding her hand.<br>'Not now though.' Tess said, and he didn't want to push the subject if she wasn't ready; she had been through enough. 'Okay...' he said. '...but I want you to think about something else. I want to be with you and whether or not we have this baby, I want you to be my family. When you leave here I want us to be together properly. I don't want to waste any more time.'  
>'Why do you keep fighting for me?'<br>'You know why...You're worth fighting for.' he said and kissed her.  
>'Fletch, there's something else Guy spoke to me about.'<br>'Yeah?'  
>'Let's just say he made his feelings about our relationship very clear and he'll make sure Connie knows what's going on too.'<br>'Tess, I've already had this conversation with him. I told him I'm not giving you up for anything. If he wants me out then I'll transfer to a different hospital, but I'm not leaving you.' he said.  
>'You really want to make this work?'<br>'More than ever. You nearly died Tess and I promised myself when you woke up I would never let you go again...And you, what do you want?'  
>'I'm going to quit as Clinical Nurse Manager.'<br>'What?'  
>'It's time I got back to being a normal nurse and with what's happened, I could do with less stress.'<br>'Are you sure it's what you want?'  
>'Yes. Life's too short.' she said.<br>'In that case...' Fletch started, fixing her with his gaze. '...I want us to move in together. I want us to be together properly.' he said. Tess saw the love and determination in his eyes as he held her hands within his.


	11. A Fresh Start

**A Fresh Start**

The morning of New Year's Eve, Fletch helped Tess put on her shoes, her packed bag on the hospital bed amongst her many cards and gifts. A porter wheeled a chair towards the bed. 'I don't need it.' Tess said. 'Don't be so bloody stubborn.' Fletch said teasingly. Tess looked at him and sighed in defeat before sitting in the wheelchair. Fletch picked up all of her things and followed as the porter wheeled Tess off the ward.

Fletch pulled his car up alongside Tess' house; parking behind her own car that was in the drive before helping Tess inside. Tess felt Fletch's fingers briefly caress her neck as he eased off her coat. 'Would you like a drink?' he asked her.  
>'I'd like a bath.' Tess said and he nodded.<p>

After a long hot soak in the bath, Tess wrapped herself in her dressing gown and descended the stairs to find Fletch in the kitchen. 'How do you feel?' he asked her.  
>'More human.' she answered with a smile as she drew close to him.<br>'You're not human...' he said, his fingers brushing her cheek. '...You're an angel.'  
>'Fletch...' Tess said his name in barely more than a whisper as her cheeks blushed red beneath his gaze. There were no more words to be spoken as Fletch's fingers brushed her skin and he framed her face with his hands and leaned down to kiss her. Tess felt her heart pounding in her chest - like a small bird struggling to escape a cage - as Fletch's lips explored hers. She pulled back, causing him to gaze at her with concern. 'What's wrong?' he asked.<br>'Why do you want me? Look at me-' she was cut off as Fletch placed his lips upon hers once more.  
>'I <em>am<em> looking at you.' he said, shaking his head and smiling that cheeky smile she loved. 'You are perfect, wonderful, kind, gracious, beautiful-.'  
>'Fletch, you deserve someone better than me.' Tess cut across him as tears filled her eyes and spilled over her lids, cascading down her cheeks. Fletch cupped her face again, sweeping away her tears with the pads of his thumbs. 'That's just...That's not even possible.' he said and kissed her again, his hands skimming down her sides to her waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck and surrendered to his all-encompassing love.<p>

Fletch lifted Tess into his arms, one arm around her shoulders and the other beneath her knees as his lips refused to leave hers. He held her close, clinging to her as if to the most precious of jewels; because to him she was more precious than anything else in God's creation, and he would not let anything part them but death. For as long as they lived, he was going to show Tess just how much of his heart she had unintentionally claimed for her own and just how much she deserved that depth of love, not just now but forever, because forever was what he was offering.

His lips parted from Tess' as he carried her from the room and up the stairs to what he could only hope she would allow him to call "their bedroom". He lay her gently on the bed, but saw some trepidation in her eyes as he kicked off his shoes, pulled his top over his head and sat down beside her. 'Let me hold you.' he asked her as his fingers gently brushed her own. Tess breathed deeply as he lay down and she rested herself upon his chest, soon nestling to arms protectively wrapped around her. He kissed her head and her eyes fluttered to a close as her fingers stroked the light covering of hair across his chest. At this moment in time as the rest of the world partied the year to a close and cheering, fireworks and kisses welcomed in a fresh start, she wanted to be frozen, to not think of the past or future, but to live in this moment, just her and Fletch in peaceful bliss.


End file.
